MAY 8 1957
Gwen Hurley felt a sudden release while standing in her tiny kitchen. In a home located on the shores of Lake Erie. "Honey, I think we need to go to the hospital." Chester Hurley Sr. sits in the living room watching I Love Lucy with a beer in his hand. "The show is almost over Gwen, hang on for five minutes." Gwen becomes red in the face and stares out the kitchen window wondering why she didn't marry the only man in her high school class of 1939 that went on to become an engineer instead of Chester.
"Okay fine, I'll have the baby in the kitchen while I smoke a cigarette, how's that.?" Gwen yells. Chester Hurley Sr. jumps up from his chair and sprints into the kitchen. "I don't know how to deliver a baby."
Gwen reaches for her cigarettes. She turns the gas stove on, beds over and lights up a very refreshing Salem smag. "No shit Chet." Gwen says sarcastically while blowing out the cool menthol smoke. "Get the car ready, please and bring some blankets, it's a long ride to Saint Lukes Hospital."
Chet Sr. runs all over the house gathering clothes, blankets, beer, cigarettes, books. "You can't bring beer in the hospital for god's sake. Oh damn I can barely walk." Gwen wobbles out he backdoor. "Throw all the stuff in the back seat, I can get in myself." Gwen gets in the car. Chet Sr. runs around to the drivers side of the car. He pulls on the door handle with all his might. "Ha, Look at that Gwen I got the driver's side door open!"
"Good for you now get this rattle trap movin, oh shit, oh god." Gwen begins to breath in spurts.
"Yeah breath dear, we'll be there in half an hour." Chet puts the peddle to the meddle. The old Ford Fairlane seems to have a little spark left in her while speeding east on old route 2 towards Cleveland.
"Chet guess what?" Gwen turns to her husband while putting her feet up on the dashboard. "We're not going to make it. Better pull over and get the blankets." Chet Sr. pulls the car over in a church parking lot. "Chet put the radio on to take my mind off of the pain auugh shuut." Chet turns the radio on. He slams his shoulder into the driver's side door, it pops open. Radio: 'all right rockin cats out there Bill Randle here with Elvis Pesley and he is all shook up baby!'
"Auh honey you might want to turn around so I can get, oh jeez I see the head." Chet is in a paniced state now. He turns around and sees the pastor oif the church walking toward the car. Gwen is howling, "Auugh, I hate you Chet son-of -a bitch., Jesus auuugh, haaaa.."
"Oh I see we're we're having a baby here." the pastor observes outloud. .
"No pastor she is trying out for the choir." Chet is now holding the baby's head.
"You were always a smart ass Hurley."
"Well you be smart and call an ambulance or something, please pastor." Chet Sr. is now focused on the task at hand. "Come on Gwen giv'er one more push for Daddy and Elvis."
"Auugh, Elvis couldn't tie Benny Goodman's shoes, here we gooo, yeeeaaahh!!" Gwen is all smiles now with a tear in her eye. "Well, is it a boy, girl, what?"
"It's a boy Mrs. Hurley and I hear an ambulance coming honey."
Later that day the Hurley's decided to name the new baby Chester Presley Hurley the second. Because one day Gwen and Chet Sr. knew their new baby boy will be a star one day. Chester Hurley or Hurls as his friends called him grew up with two twin sisters. They were four years older than Hurls. Mom and Dad planned the twins but Chet the second was a surprise. Mom and Dad were older too, Mom was thirty-six and Dad thirty-nine years old when Chet was born so this created a huge generation gap in the Hurley household.
The Ed Sullivan Show was one of the greatest shows ever to be broadcast in the Hurley home, well that and the Smother's Brother's Comedy Hour, Why? You ask? Because Each show from time to time would present some of the best bands to ever play rock music in the late sixties. Who can forget when Ed used to say; "Okay kids calm down now, kids be quite okay here they are, The Rolling Stones!"
"Look at those ugly hippies with that hair." Chet Sr. the WWII Vet would mone. "How can anybody like that crap?" Chet and his sisters would smile and groove out to The Beatles, Steppenwolf, The Doors and Hurls remembers the goose bumps crawling up his neck when he saw Buffalo Springfield play; For What It's Worth on the Smother's Brother's Comedy Hour. Oh, Hurls was hooked at a young age, hooked on the beat the sounds the guitars and the soul sounds from CKLW that used to bombard his AM radio from as far away as Windsor Canada.
But CKLW didn't just play Motown songs they played all the great garage band nuggets, Mitch Rider, James Brown, and all the wonderful Philly soul bands to name a few. Yes, Hurls is proud to be from the Cleveland area because he lived in the middle of the Rock-n-Roll corridor. Any band worth their weight played in New York, maybe Toronto then swing down to Cleveland ending in Detroit. If your band can pack the house in those cities your band made it to the big time.
AUGUST 9, 1978
Cleveland Agora
"Welcome, my name is Kid Leo and I would like to welcome you to the main event. Round for round, pound for pound, there ain't no better band around, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band!"
The band takes the stage, "Kid must ah memorized that at home, I know ya did, Cleveland how ya doin?"
How ya doin?
How ya doin?
FIRMCALL INC 2004
Amherst, NY
"How are you doin Hurley?" The walking boss asks Hurls. "Hurley there is thirty-eight calls in the cue. Stop writing and daydreaming, get to work or I'll write you up." The walking boss meanders over to his next victom leaving Hurls and his sidekick Sam Weaver alone to talk to Mr or Mrs. Schmedlap or anyone else who calls in to ask questions regarding their account with Vivtel Communications. Yes Chester Hurley, father of two, husband of Sue Hurley (a native of Buffalo, NY) works in a call center. For some reason Chet's book; 500 Songs to Live By, never got published. Maybe it is because Hurls got scammed by an agent in Peoria, Illinois or maybe it is because nobody wanted to publish his drivel about the greates rock songs ever. One is curtain though, Sam and Chester are two men almost the same age, trapped in their cubicle cells, trying to figure out a plan to make their great escape.
Sam Weaver used to own three record stores in the area. He is a married father of three kids who only listens to Hurls insane jibber-jabber because well..because if he didn't he might go incane himself. Firmcall is an out sourcing-call center prison, a prison still run in the continental United States. That means if you make a phone call regarding your Vivtel phone bill you won't hear a man with a thick Indian accent going by the name of Ralph. Firmcall is loctaed in a monsterous sized building taking up one whole city block of land, three stories high with enough cubicle cells to house nine hundred inmates. Firmcall has several clients who out source their calls at a much lower rate then housing their own inmates. How much do inmates in Dubai make? Nobody really knows but Hurley and Weaver know their pay isn't all tha bad. They get vacation time and a pat on the back for good behavior once a month during the awards presentaion.
"Sam, did you get a chance to read my book?" Hurls wheels over to Sam's cell."What do you think of those songs?"
Sam puts his phone on mute. "You just gave me the manuscript two minutes ago. Who do I look like John Kennedy?"
Hurley wheels back to his cell. The calls are coming in fazt and furious now. The clock on the wall says; "Ten minutes to break time, keep busy." Hurls knows the calls will die down soon but not soon enough. He notices the walking boss is not around so he puts his phone on AUX. The AUX button allows the inmates to urinate in the reatroom, get a quick snack, go on break or even leave their ward and the prison for a quick smoke.
The clock on the wall says; "quick break because there are still calls in the cue." Sam stands up with the manuscript in hand and heads for the canteen. Hurls does the same thinking about which snack to eat. Sam sits at the table while Chet pops some quarters in the vending machine.
"Why is, The Boys Are Back In Town your number five hundred song?" Sam asks.
"It is the beginning of our new life Sam." Chet sits down with his bag of Funyons. "Remember the summer of 1976 Sam?"
"Yeah I was working my ass off and partying at night, so?" Sam is reading on. "Oh I see here all your high school buddies were back in town from college. You used to go to those discos and.."
"Jesus keep your voice down." Chet snapped. "I'm making a point here, everybody who wasn't cool in the '60's thought all those crazy hippies were nuts going to Woodstock, right? Well I would rather be sitting in mud up to my neck listening to Hendrix or Joplin than heaving beer breath on some poor girl-asking her to dance while sporting those stupid polyester shits, anyday."
"I see your point, man I wish I was at the first Woodstock." Sam continues to read on. "Now this song, here by one of my favorite bands, Yes, Long Distance Run Around, only you Hurley would list every damn area code in this country and then describe everybody from that particular area code."
"Yeah like area code 201." Hurls stands up. "Hey, youse better stop callin me or I'll break your freakin knee caps pal, I'll put a contract out on your ass."
"So everybody in area code 201 is in the mob?" Sam stands up because the clock on the wall says; "Get your butts back in your cells."
"I'll keep reading this drivel because I'm borred out of my mind right now." Sam throws his soda can in the recycling bin. "I suppose area code 202 has DIck Nixon talking with Kissinger?"
"Hey the Watergate Tapes, maybe I'll change that one." Chet and Sam sit down in their cells. They take call for another hour until there is a break in the action. Chester stands up to stretch out. He sees nothing but cubicle cells that cover most of Ward 2 in Frimcall Prison. Along the walls are glass enclosed offices for all the suits that come strolling in but never take the time to chat with any of the inmates.
"Sam look at all these inmates, junkies, winos, preachers, christians, athiests, teachers, students, divocees, thieves, retired, laid of engineers, there has to be an editor among these inmates, that will work for nothing."
Sam stands up reading the manuscript. "Hurls, nobody in their right mind is going to edit this mess, for example, Spill The Wine by Eric Burdon and War, oh man the summer of 1970, That was one great summer buddy but then you go and list a bunch of crappy eighties songs under this masterpiece?"
"Spill the Wine and cheese Sam. I composed the most cheesy songs ever recorded. Look at the number one song." Sam looks at the list. "Oh yeah, I see it now, The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace."
"Even the band members admit they screwed up by making a reference to 'the east side of Chicago.'
Sam looks onfused. "There is an east side of Chicago, right?"
"Technically yes but Chicago is north and southsided. Cleveland is east and west, Dallas is east, south and north there is no west Dallas. Buffalo is north and south, see what I mean?" Chet goes on to explain. "The point is even though that song is cheesy it made it to number one in 1974. There is no such thing as a bad song just a cheesy song."
"I disagree because We Built This City On Rock-n-Roll is a bad song."
"Well, I guess there are exceptions, I mean how in the hell did Jefferson Airplane go from Volunteers to that mess?"
Sam stands with the manuscript in hand. "Hurls, I hope you have; We Gotta Get Out of This Place by The Animals in this book."
"Of course I do I love The Animals, why?" As soon as Chet asked the question, Bert the walking boss walks over to Sam and the author.
"Chit chatting again girls, do you want some tea?" Bert is laughing as he strolls over to another set of cubicle cells.
"That's why Hurley, we must move on before Bert is found missing." Sam sits back down. Chester sits and then wheels his chair over to Sam's cell.
"Sam we can't snuff the walking boss, I told you that a hundred times. If we did that they will put us in solitary confinement which means they could split us up for good."
"I need a raise so I am going to bear down now and act professional until lunch." Sam explains while taking a call from Horis Funklevy in South Dakota. Chester takes a call thinking about his book and the customer's needs at the same time. It is a learned trait he has mastered while working in prison. Chet handles this call with ease, maybe he is slowly becoming proficient at his job. Sam on the other hand is thinking about moving up in the company. He knows he could never cofide in Chester of his ladder climbing venture because Hurls will feel betrayed however Sam must ake care of Sam and his family first, Chester a distant second.
The clock on the wall is now yelling; "Lunch!" Chet and Sam leave their cells and head to the canteen.
"I read more of those area code's Hurley." Sam plopped the manuscript down on the table in the canteen. I liked the Lynyrd Skynyrd reference in area code 205. Yes Hurl's there are good people in Alabama."
"You got it Sammy and I like and don't you think people would be interested in what I write about their particular area code?"
"I doubt it but I did like reading about the song; Pictures of Lilly by The Who."
"Yeah, if my daughter asks my wife where the vasoline is she tells her to go ask your father." Chet laughed and went on to explain. "Sam, masturbation is man's favorite hobby."
Sam almost spit out his soda. "Jeez you are twisted, who said that Woody Allen or Howard Stern?"
"Auh, I think it was Woody but Howard always talks about pleasuring ones self." Chet stood up to plop some quarters in the vending machine. "Sam, do you remember the song; Stranger In Blue Suede Shoes by Kevin Ayers?"
"Hell yeah, that song better be in this book dude." Sam thumbed through the manuscript. "In fact it should be at least in the top twenty."
"It is but the point I'm making here is the spirit of the song."
"What is the spirit of the song Hurley?" Sam asked while looking up at he clock in the canteen showing only five minutes left for lunch.
"Sammy, the spirit of the song is to go out and carve your own path in life. We shouldn't be working for the man, we should be out there working for ourselves."
"Been there done that my friend." Sam looked dejected.
"Cheer up dude, we'll get out of here if we follow the spirit of the song and the three greatest minds in the history of mankind."
"Oh no, Tom Waits and who are the other two?" Sam knows how is co-worker thinks.
"You are close but Frank Zappa came before Tom Waits." Chester heard the clock saying; "get back to work" and walkied with Sam to their cells. "The three greatesr minds ever are, Woody Allen, Howard Stern and Frank Zappa. Forget about Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and Allen Stewart Konigsberg, Frank, Woody and Howard carved their own path pal."
Chester and Sam entered their cells and put on their headests. "Who is Allen Konigsberg?" Sam uttered to ask.
"He invented the wingnut."
Time seemed to pass at a snails pace in Ward 2. Carl the walking boss is on the prowl. Sam and Chet worked like they never knew each other for the next two hours. Sam contiuued to read the manuscript out of sher boredom. Chet wondered if his friend really liked the book or if he is only being polite however Chet is proud of the fact that he can take criticism. Finally the clock on the wall says; "Break time." The two men decide to take their break in their cells. Chester wheels his chair over to Sam's cell.
"Think about it Sam, the reason Frank, Woody and Howard are the greatest minds is because first thre is life then sex, laughter and death."
Sam stopped reading and turned to Chet. "Zappa was funny, I'll give you that. Like a tacky little pamphlet in your Daddy's bottom drawer."
Chester smiled at Sam's recollection of maybe Frank's greatest work. "Auh damn it, I got a call." Chet sits back down in his cell. Sam sits and reads more of Chet's drivel. Both men take a few calls until the cue is empty. Sam looks over at Chester sitting in his cell. He wheels his chair over to the author.
"What are you thinking about Hurls?"
"My Dad, he died when I was young, well I was twenty years old when he died."
"You are one lucky bastard Hurley." Sam wheeled back to his cell to take a call. Chet sat with his yapper hanging open over what Sam had just said. The author stood up and leanes over Sam's cubicle-cell wall. Sam ends his call and looks up at Chester.
"What the hell do you mean by I'm a lucky bastard Weaver?"
"Your dad died when you were young Hurley, less probems like nursing homes and such, ya know."
"My god I've been sitting next to Auschwitzs' chief surgen-Dr. Mengele the whole time I've been in this prison."
"Watch it Hurley, my wife is half jewish."
Chester is stunned and sits back down in his cell. He thinks there has to be a reason why Sam said what he did.
Chet must ask Sam about his father, which men never do of course. "Hey tell me about your dad."
"He was an ass when he was drunk. What about your dad?" "A jerk most of the time, hey look at the cans on that babe." That is about the length of any conversation between two men regading their fathers, well at least eighty percent of the conversations regarding their fathers. Chester never ever remembers when one of his friends in the bar would stand up with a mug of ale held high and yell, "To my father, a great man and my hero."
Well, the clock on the wall says; 'break time" and if Chester wishes to converse with Sam now or in the future he has to talk with Sam about his father.
Sam walks out of his cell toward the break room. Chester waits for a second and then begins his trek to the canteen. Sam just sits at the table and stairs off into space.
"Sam is there something you're not telling me because what you said about my dad creeped me out bro."
"I'm sorry I was thinking about my dad and how I wasn't his boy." Sam got up to get some chips out of the vending machine. "You should be more like your brother, Sam. Yeah my hot-shot lawyer brother, Mr. Big Bucks, auh I don't want to talk about it." Sam walked out of the canteen. Chester sat back in his chair wondring if his book, which contain's stories about his own father would bring back good or bad memeories about their own fathers? CHet also wondered if his book could heel the mases? Well, one thing is for curtain, the author will not be tallking with his co-worker the remainder of the shift.
The next day Hurls came storming in the building to beat the time clock by fifteen seconds. He logs in his phone like a mad scientist quockly punching in numbers on a computer to defuse a hydrogen bomb. Chet sits in his cell and looks at the time on the phone which says; "Yoy weren't quick enough Chet, you're a minute late." Suddenly out of nowhere, Carl the walking boss is making a beeline right at the author with a paper in his hand.
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile." Carl tosses Chet's QA report in his call. he turns and tosses Sam's QA report in his cell, only he pats Sam on the back for a job well done. The walking boss turns to Chet. "Hurley I know you can get an even better score than that next time if you concentrate and smile buddy." Carl walks away tossing QA reports in cells like some half-assed mailman.
"So what was your sxcore?" Sam stands and peers over Chet's cell wall.
"Thank you for calling Vivtel Communications, my name is Chester, how may I help you today?" Chet smiles at Sam and continues to talk to Webster Patchcomb in Roswell, New Mexico. Chet ended the call quickly because Mr. Patchcomb needs t ocall another number.
"So what did you score?"
"Oh no, I'm hearing voices." Chet looks around in horror.
"Knock it off dickbrian, what did you get?" Sam wheels out of his cell.
"There it is again, help me Mr. Wizard, help me...AUUUGHGGH!" Chet pretends to scream and then throws his QA report in Sam's cell. A QA report is an inmate's report card for the week. The Quality Assurance people sit in dark rooms smoking cigarettes and monitor every inmate at Worldwide Telcom, making sure the inmate answered all the customer's questions correctly, handled the call in a timely fashion and didn't tell the customer to eat shit and die, if they were in fact rude to the inmate. Now of course 100% is a perfect score and if you score lower than 70% on a QA report you go to the Ministry of Love for a deprogramming session.
Sam looks at his friend's score of 96% and pins it up on his cell wall. "Hey, I didn't mean to be an ass yesterday.It's just that, it's a sore subject."
"Sammy, I realize your problem and I wasn't that close to my father either but you must reconcille with him or you will go insane. I saw it on Oprah."
"Yeah right, like you watch Oprah." Sam laughed and then put his phone on AUX. "You watch Oprah like I watch those home improvement shows."
"Well, I watched one Oprah show where the kids and the parents sat down and reconcilled their differences."
"Whatever Hurley oh, look at Wendy going going into the canteen." Sam watched her stroll arcoss Ward 2 like a supermodel walking down the catwalk.
"You got a thang for here me brotha?" Chester asked laughing. "What is the big deal about Wendy?"
Sam wheeled his chair over to Chet's cell. "I can't put my finger on it bro, it's just her calmness and gentle dameanor. I've listened to some of her calls and she is like a goddess on the phone."
As soon as Sam finished his eloquet description of Wendy, both Chet and Sam see her come storming out of the canteen yelling; "Whoever the scum sucking maggot- piece of shit-low life worm is that stole my lunch, I hope you choke on it and die a very painful and slow death!"
"Oh man now she has me turned on." Chet said to Sam while watching the walking boss pass by his cell,
"Get back on the phone girls, I'll take care of this." Carl walked up to Wendy and led her back into the canteen.
"I guess she can be fiesty too eh, Hurls?" Sam turned toward his cell and began to take more calls. Two hours
crawl by until Carl makes an announcement for all reps in Ward 2 to log off their phones for the monthly awards meeting. Sam and Chester log off their phones and wander over to the back section of Ward 2 where they can sit together on one of the window sills.
"Sammy I can feel there is an award up there on the platform next to where the COO is standing, with your name on it."
"They should give you an award, now that would be hilarious." Sam chuckled while watching the COO with lust in his eyes. "God the COO is loking mighty fine today."
"Jesus Sam, you need a set of COO and Wendy blow-up dolls."
"Yeah the wife would love it." Sam watched Wendy make her way up to the platform. "Hey Wendy is getting an award."
"Wouldn't it be great if she grabbed the microphone and started yelling about her stolen food?" Chet asked is partner.
The award show soon became very boring for Chet. He pulled out his mini-notebook from his back pocket and then asked Sam another question; "Sam have you ever seen those commercials on TV regarding dust mites?"
Sam closed his eyes and put his head down. "Oh my god, don't tell me you are reaseaching dust mites now?"
Chet thumbs through his notebook, "Do you know their are European and American dust mites?" Hurls went on to explain. "It's all a part of the big fear buddy, there is a fear of everything, terrorism, eathquakes, sodium, mad cows, airbags, all the way down to dust mites. Weaver, there could be millions of dust mites on your shirt right now."
"I am not afraid." Sam stood up after hearinf his name is called by the COO. "I'm going up there with my tongue hanging out."
The awards show finally came to an end after another hour passed. Carl announced for all of Ward 2 to take a fifteen minute break before getting back on the phones. Chester and Sam decide to take there break in the prison yard. The fall air feels good out in the yard. Sam and the author take a seat on a bench. Sam smiles at Wendy as she blows out smoke from her yapper.
"I didn't know she smoked?" Weaver commented. "I think woman who smoke are hot."
"You are so European Sammy." Chester took out his notebook. "You know what pal, I'm going to twll you a story that is true."
"I doubt it but fire away spaceman."
"Spaceman? Yeah I need to add that song to the list. Okay, when I was working for this other company selling long distance service over the phone I chatted with a woman that had a near death experience."
"She told you that?"
"No, she told my wife later because she wanted to sell us her long distance service and she wanted us to sell her long distance service too."
"I hope there is a point to all this." Sam started to get annoyed while watching Wendy smoke.
"Sam, this woman could tell what was wrong with my wife physically, for example she needed to get one of her molars looked at because she is starting to get a cavity. Sammy, this woman is physic."
"I'm thinking of a movie." Sam put his hand on his forehead. "The Dead Zone, right?"
"Yeah and it's true, some poeple who have near death experiences become physic."
Sam's eyes grew wide. "Holy shit, this woman could tell me every score of every Super Bowl for the rest of her life!"
"Well no, it doesn't work like that boss." Chester looked through his notebook. "Did you ever here of a man by the name of Edgar Cayse?"
"No I can't say I have." Sam stood up because the walking boss just entered the prison yard. Chester sttod up and walkied with Sam to the door Carl just entered from. "Edgar Cayce was physic too but if they asked him questions regarding questions for personal gian the couldn't give them an answer."
"Bummer." Sam seemed to be displeased. "Well, what good is that, I mean could he predict the future or something?"
"Yes he did make some predictions."
"Could this woman tell me when I will be free from this prison?" Sam asked while he entered his cell and put on his headset. The author entered his cell and began to take calls until lunch.
The dynamic duo sat in the canteen eating and watching the other inmates chat away Walter the Monk enters the canteen and puts his lunch on the table. He opens the bag and pulls out a sandwich and a bag of Cheetos. He then begins his ritual.
"Look at that crazy Monk." Sam pointed over at Walter. "What the hell is he doing."
"He's praying you heathen>" Chet explained. "He is thanking the lord for his bolagna sandwich and his small bag of Cheetos."
"Is it true he actually tried out for the monk squard?" Weaver wondered aloud while drinking his soda.
"Yes, he didn't make the cut for some reason but I like Walte, he is a great man." Chet waved at Walter.
"Don't wave at him, Jesus he might come over here and sit with us."
"Samual, you need to be more loving toward your fellow man."
"Bullshit, you never got your ass kicked in Catholic school by a priest, I have." Weaver began to get emotional.
"My kids will never go to any church school I can promise you that."
"Oh I hit a nerve, maybe I should write about it in my book."
"Hurls I could tell you some stories that would blow your mind however I refuse to." Sam stood up from the table and walked away. as he is walking away he sees Chet get up and walk over to where Walter is sitting. Chet talks to Walter but doesn't sit with him. He turns and walks back to his cell. He sees sam is on the phone. Chet notices Walter is approaching with a book in his hand. Sma finishes up his call.
"Here is the book about Revelations you requested Chester." Walter hands the book to Chet and then turns to Sam. "Good day to you Sam." Walt walks away. Sam wheels his chair over to Hurls cell.
"Oh my god he didn't recute you Hurley, did he?"
"Weaver I am a man of many interests." Chet opend the book and began to take a call from Gretchen Wrencher from Lincoln, Nebraska. Sma points at the name on Chet's scene and chuckles, he then wheels his chair back to his cell. One thing Sam and Chet like to do is to keep a list of funny names. they made up some fake names like,
Hector Pennyfeather, Jesus O'Brien, Wally Kriechbaum and Milt Puddycomb but there are some real names out there that are just as fun such as; Liz Clinch, Carl Denk, Peter Root, Cheryl TIngle, Lance Sailors, Phil Jurca, Aquanette Wormley, Ray Glaze, Spencer Swapp, Blake Rambo, Ramsey Skipper, Ted Klopp, Van Pancake and Shakespeare Ngo.
Chester and Sam continue to take calls for another hour until there were no more calls in the cue. Chester wheels over to sam's cell. "I see you are still reading my drivel." Chet bumped into Sam's chair.
"Don't bump into me like that, the waliing boss my suspect something." Sam continues to read about more of the area codes. "Here you qrote about area code 208, 'You people sound a tad creepy to me.' Okay, you got me on that one, where is area code 208?"
"Utah I think." Chester looked around to see if the walking boss is in sight. "Hey, I almost forgot to tell you about
the most beautiful thing I ever saw at the store the other day."
"You saw the COO in a bikini?"
"No, I saw a 1970 Chevelle SS 454, all original except for the shifter, the man told me it is the special blue piant job with the white stripes. I almost had a heat attack. I't my favorite muscle car."
"Sweet but I gotta go with the Plymouth GTX or Roadrunner."
"Oh now you're tlakin my language Sammy. I remember the guy was playing a tune in the car and I can't remeber which song it was now."
"You're slippin Hurley, oh shit here comes carl." Sam pretened like he is on the phone. Chet quickly wheeled back to his cell. A call came in from Idaho for Hurls. He looked at the name and the adress of the customer. He then noticed the area code was 208. And again this called did sound a tad creepy, Hurls finished the call and remebered the song the man was playing in his car. He stood up and peered over Sam's cell wall and sang; "You're livin in your own private Idaho, you're livin in your own private-Idaho."
"Auh yes the B52's, I like the B52's." Sam smiled and sang; "Rock lobster."
"Yeah , the guy in the car was playing the B52's in the greatest car ever made."
"Listen ladies, the client is monaturing calls now so act professional for once in your lives." Carl bellowed at the duo. CHester wished he had a hidden trap door right behind his cubicle for Carl. If Carl should come up behind him he could push a button sending Carl into a pit of deadly scorpions. He read some of the book Walter gave him about Revelations in the Bible and he wondered if there actually is a pit of deadly scorpions listed in Revelations. A few more hours passed until Carl announced the client was done monituring for the day. The cue died down and Chet wheeled back to Sam's cube-cell.
"Hey buddy I have a great idea."
"Great, I suppose it has to do with the appocalipse, right?" Sam put his phone on AUX.
"Not this time, this has to do with Woodstock 1979."
Sam turnd to Hurls with a look of wonderment. "A ten year reuion of Woodstock, hmmm, I can tell you two reasons this could never happen, first of all they would have to close down the entire country for three days or more. Secondly, 1979 is light years away from 1969 as far as rock-n-roll is concerened." Sam contiuned to explain to Chet as Hurls wrote down notes in his notebook. "In 1969 rock-n-roll was still an artsy-cult-underground happening with a war going on. By 1979 the rock music industry grew into this huge mega billion dollar business, every band would want a million bones or more apiece to play a Woodstock."
"Okay so we are two billionares in 1979 and we want to put on a show so what bands would you invite to play on Yeasger's Farm?" Chester asked same with a seriuos look on his face.
"Let me make a list and we'll compare lists at the end of the day." Sam took out a pen and a scractch pad. Chester wheeled back to his cube, thinking about the bands he would invite. Chester is all excited now because Sam is finally contributing to his madness.
Chester frantically started to make a list of bands; Elvis Costello and The Attractions, The Who, The Stones, The Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Genesis, Yes, Led Zeppelin, U2, The Joy Division, The Clash, Queen, Black Sabbath, King Crimson, Roxy Music.
This wouild be day one, dedicated to the United Kingdom.
The second day, New York Dolls, The Stooges, MC5, Velvet Underground, Alice Cooper, Mitch Rider and The Detroit Wheels, John Cougar, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, Bob Dylan, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band, Steve Miller Band, Todd Rundgren, Patty Smith Group.
Day three
Curtis Mayfield, The Temptations, James Brown, Sly and The Family Stone, The Delfonics, The Chi-Lites, Martha Reeves and The Vandellas, Aretha Franklin, Tower of Power, Frank Zappa, Allman Brothers Band, Talking Heads, The Tubes to close out the show.
The clock on the wall says; "get the heck out of here." Chester wheeled over to Sam's cell with great enthusiasm. Sam handed his list of bands to Chester.
Day one, Tony Orlando and Dawn (headliner) The Bells, The Bouys, Bobby Goldsboro, Paul Anka, Vicki Lawrence, Jim Nabors.
Day two, The Archies, The Fraggles, Doris Day, The Monkees, Bubble Puppy, 1910 Fruit Gum Company,
Loverboy (headliner)
Day three, The Partridge Family (headliner) Paper Lace, Kenny Loggins, Captain and Tennile, The Cowsills,
Jan and Dean, Lulu.
"You're a sick bastard." Chet muttered. "First of all the Fraggles weren't a real band."
"Oh my god you crack me up." Sam almost fell out of his chair. "and the Archies were a real band then."
"I just bought the Bubble Puppy Box Set." Chet said.
Sam began to laugh so hard he began to turn blue. "Holy hsit, seventy-two different versions of Hot Smoke and Sasafrass! Good god Hurley you made my day. The author and the ex-record store owner punched out gor the day. Chester waved goodbye to Sam in the parking lot. He entered his car and drove home thinking about the last call he took from Helga Dumpshpeare in Texarkana, Arkansas. Chester now knows (as Helga explained to him) that Main Street in her town is right on the boarder of Texas and Arkansas, one side of the road is in Texas and the other side of the road is in Arkansas. Texarkana must be a strange town. One thing Chester does know about Texarkana is it is the location of Elvis' first concerts not that Chet is a big Elvis fan it's just the fact that it is a part of rock-n-roll history.
Chester arrived home to greet his loved ones. Sue had dinner ready and as the family ate together Chester glanced out the back window, noticing some hanging branches on the old oak tree in the back yard.
"I think after dinner I am going to trim some of those high branches off the tree." Chester announced while wolfing down some chiken dish Sue preparred.
"I'm going to need a long ladder." Chet said. "I like to lop off branches for some reason."
"You better be careful." Sue warrned.
"No problem this will be an easy job," Chet put his empty dishes in the sink and headed out to the garage to fetch the ladder and the lopper. He tokk the ladder to the tree and began to climb up with the lopper in one hand and the other hand on the ladder. Chester reached up as far as he could while leaning argainst the tree. Suddenly Chet felt helpless and then everything went black.
"Chester is that you?" Chester's dad asked from a distance. Dad strolled closer to his son. "Chet you look great son."
"So do you Dad, in fact you look like you just got out of the Army." Chester rubbed his eyes in disbelief. "How is mom and everything?"
"Your mother is still mad at me about the drinking but as they say, in heaven there ain't no beer." Dad put a hand on his son's shoulder. "In heaven we are all young again,"
"In heaven?" Chet wondered. "But I'm not dead, this is just a strange dream."
"Well, suit yourself Chet, I guess you are right because from time to time I get to come down to see you but for some reason I could never talk to you until now." Chet Sr. sat down on the grass in the back yard. "So give me the rundown on all the sporsts stuff."
"You came down here to talk about sports?" Chester laid down on the grass. "I guess this is what men talk about. Well for one thing the Indians almost won a World Series agianst the Florida Marlins."
Chet Sr. looked confused. "Florida Marlins? I thought There are no teams in Florida."
"Now there are two teams in Florida and one in Arizona." Chester continued. "The Browns moved to Baltimore and they won the Super Bowl."
"Oh god, this is a bad dream." Chet Sr. stood up. "Listen son I need to get back because I have a tee-time at the golf course. I'll be back soon." Chet sr. walked away into the light of the sun. Hurls closed his eyes until he heard Sue's voice, "Honey are you okay?" Chet opened his eyes to see his family standing over him in the back yard.
"Yeah, I'm fine, no brolen bones." Hurls stands up and walks back in the house.
"Maybe you should go lay down for awahile." Sue suggested.
Cheter strolled up the stairs to his bedroom and laid down on the bed. He quickly fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning CHester awoke singing the song; Utopia by the band of the same name. His clock radio sounded. To his amazement he heard the disc-jockey utter these words; "That was 'Goin Out West'. We are now in the G's of our Tom Waits A-Z weekend ." Tom Waits all weekend? Chet thought. How cool is that?
Chester headed for the shower. Chester ouldn't believe his eyes when he saw Sue sitting in their big jacuzzi bathtub with a full breakfast floating on a tray in the water.
"Come on in baby the water is hot." Sue said while munching on an English Muffin. "Oh I see Mr. Happy needs some attention." Sue dove under the water. The Fourth of July came early for Hurls and Sue.
"Nothing like doing it in the tub right dear?" Sue gasped as she got out of the water and toweled off. Chester sat back and finished his breakfast. For some reason he kept on hearing the song Utopia, playing in his head.
Chester got dressed and went down to the kitchen. Sue was sitting watching TV.
"I put a message on your desk." Sue told Chet, not taking her eyes off the television. "It's from Spielberg's office, something about a list of directors or something."
"Ha, you're a kidder." Chet laughed and meandered his way to where the computer is in another room off the familt room. "Wow, they left a number."
"I hope so, what is with you today?" Sue asked Chet. "You better call them or check your e-mails."
"What the hell is going on today?" Chet mumbled to himself. He fired up the computer and poped open his e-mail account. Chester sees the name David Bowie and clicks on it; "Bowie probably sending out a bunch of spam to promote a new CD or something." Chet was thinking aloud. "Well I'll give the man a listen."
Chester clicked on David's name; "Good morning Chester" the note stated right up front. "Jesus, how does Bowie know my e-mail address?" Chet wondered. The note continues; "I sent you proposal for the independent radio staions to all the legal blokes and everyone concerned, they seem jolly to the idea."
"Honey you gotta see this e-mail I got from David Bowie." Sue didn't answer. Hurls kept on reading the note;"Looks like we will be finalizing the deal in a couple of weeks so get your people ready to hit the ground running. Steve Van Zant will be calling you to set up all the tunes we like, if you know what I mean. It wouldn't be a bad idea for you to hop on a gig bird and drop by my office in London to meat all of us Chester. SHoot me a note to confirm my note and keep on rockin, yours truly, David."
"What did you say dear?" Sue yelled from the living room.
"Nothing, I guess." Chester opened up another e-mail under David Bowie's name. I looks like it is from some law office; "Greetings Mr. Hurley. my name is Jules Ringlehorn, I'm Robin Williams agent. I am happy to tell you that Robin will be starring in your screenplay to the dismay of Jack Nicholson's camp. ajck came to terms with our people as well as the cast director feeling Mr. Williams is a better fit for your writing genius. Take care and we'll be in touch, Jules Ringlehorn."
The next note is from DreamWorks studio. "Hi Chester, listen you don't have to return the call because we decided to let Jack star in the movie after all. The only problem is we need a re-write on the screenplay ASAP.
I'm sending you a plane ticket, priority mail so you can meet with Jack and Rob. Give my regards to Sue and the kids, Sincerly, Steven Spielberg."
Who is Rob? The screenwriter wondered until he opend up the next e-mail from a Hammister Weigal; "Sorry to bother you sir but I am Ron Howard's agent and he needs a script real bad. We're willing to advance you six figures to take care of this problem. Ron is feeling dejected being runner-up to Rob Reiner directing your new screenplay so if you could help us out with this matter it would be very much appreciated, chow for now, Hammister Weigal."
Wow, this is a slow day for e-mails Chet thought. Sue appeared in the computer room wearing workout clothes. "I'm going to the gym, Amy is coming over to cook your lunch, it's steak and lobster day today. Oh, remember we are having the Springsteen's over for dinner. Bob Dylan keeps calling but he never leaves a number. What else?" Sue stops to think for a second. "Yeah, Todd is bringing over the new computer this afternoon."
"My cousin Todd is bringing over a new computer?"
"Is Todd Rundgren your cousin?" Sue looked at chester like he has three heads. "What is wrong with you today? He told me he is getting the band back together to play at Ali's wedding."
"Which band? The Nazz or Utopia?" Chester msiled at Sue wondering if she is totally insane.
"Utopia silly." Sue grabbed her gym bag and headed out the door. Chet waved to her thinking he must be in some kind of Utopia. But it is only a dream for the author because he awoke in his bed, Chet turned on the radio on his night stand. The haunting but brilliant voice of Grace Slick fills the room.
WHITE RABBIT JEFFERSON AIRPLANE
